eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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