I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
