remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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