where does the pee come out of this thing
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
