So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
