I can't breathe out the right side of my face
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
