Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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