i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
