I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
