i wish starbucks made bloody marys
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
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