I'm really into asian looking animals
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
