So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dicks are not precious.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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