I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's shark week go big or go home
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
