i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
