it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
