am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
pray to the hookup gods
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
