My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
