i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
