I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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