she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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