I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
