I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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