i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
