When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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