sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
