bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
