If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
