omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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