pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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