I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
