have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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