I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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