I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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