Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
