guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
