he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
