I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
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We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
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The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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