I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
