we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
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