This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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