are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
no, he came in my armpit
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
