So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
