Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
