Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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