I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
