is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
