I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Pants are for mortals
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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