So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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