Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
