Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
