I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
