You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We just shotgunned beers for America
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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