peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
