we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
