you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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