Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
