This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize