wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
PANTIES FOUND
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