We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
now i know why i became what i already was.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
