the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
