Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
