he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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