Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
