All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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