It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Quick, to the slutcave!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
