I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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