dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
