party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize