even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Is it because I queefed?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
